Inspector Morse on BS 25999…
PART TWO

A second extract from a recently unearthed script ‘discovered’ by Oxford Continuity’s Paul Humphreys from an unknown episode of television’s Inspector Morse, where Morse discusses BS 25999 with his assistant Lewis.

No more criminal records Lewis, says Inspector Morse.

Lewis: Have you seen this?

Morse: Nothing squared is cubed. Three letters. Three letters, across. Nothing squared is cubed.

Lewis: It's that thing you were talking about.

Morse: Got it. Oxo. Zero times zero, Lewis. Oxo cube. Very good. That's The Oxford Times done. Seven minutes thirty, and two seconds. What thing?

Lewis: BS 25999. It's a memo from the Super.

Morse: Took its time. Let me see.

Lewis: Is it important, Sir?

Morse: Important Lewis? It is more than important. Hang on a minute.

Lewis: Who shall I give it to?

Morse: To whom shall I give it, Lewis. To whom.

Lewis: I don't know Sir. I don't mind who gets it. I hope it's not for us.

Morse: There is little point in hoping, Lewis. This is for everyone. Commune bonum. For the common good. And everyone would appear to include us, would it not?

Lewis: Do we have to do anything?

Morse: Not we, Lewis.

Lewis: Me? It looks pretty complicated...

Morse: Difficulties vanish when faced boldly, Lewis, you know that. When I do, I understand.

Lewis: It's full of letters.

Morse. Acronyms. I don't much like acronyms, I'll give you that. Skeletons. Are a few extra syllables just too much trouble? Only handy for crosswords.

Lewis: BIA. Is that an airline?

Morse: See what I mean. Business Impact Analysis, I do know that one. And don't be facetious.

Lewis: What's business got to do with us?

Morse: It's what we do, Lewis. Our business is crime. Detection of. It's about what would happen if there were none.

Lewis: No crime?

Morse: No detection, Lewis. If there were no detection.

Lewis: Is that what this is about?

Morse: Almost exactly, Lewis. No records. Where would you start?

Lewis: Good Lord. I hadn't thought of that.

Morse: Precisely. If the criminals nick the records we won't know where they live will we?

Lewis: Is that facetious, Sir? I'd better make a start.

Morse: I'll be back. See how you're getting on. Taking the Jag for its MOT.

Lewis: Another one of those beastly acronyms, Sir.

Morse: Later, Lewis. I'll see you later.

READ PART ONE OF THIS SERIES

[With apologies again to Colin Dexter…]

Author:
Paul Humphreys
Managing Director
Oxford Continuity Ltd.
www.oxfordcontinuity.com

•Date: 19th July 2007• Region: UK •Type: Article •Topic: BC general
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